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Love is in the air - Valentine's Day

February is the month of love and romance which is a good time to share some advice about dating and relationships after stoma surgery.

Eakin Valentines competition

If you have a stoma or are expecting to have ostomy surgery, you are probably wondering how the most intimate parts of your life will be affected. Feeling concern is natural and normal but the good news is many people have happy lives and relationships after their stoma operation. 

After surgery it is up to the individual who they tell about their stoma and when. If you have a partner, they will have shared your surgery with you and the pouch will not be a surprise. But what if you have a new partner who is unaware of your surgery? If a relationship is becoming serious it is worth discussing your situation before your relationship gets physical.

It is important that you feel comfortable with your partner, communication and trust are key to establishing a sexual relationship after your surgery. Allow enough time for healing before trying to regain your full sex life but do not forget about touching, kissing and sharing a bed as these can help provide the intimacy that you and your partner need.

Your stoma can be well concealed under your clothes and no-one would know it is there but when it comes to sexual relations, it is impossible to conceal. Once you have gone through your initial recovery period and feel ready to start having sex again do not rush yourself, find what you are comfortable with and remember to communicate with your partner. You might find it useful to experiment with different positions to find one that you are both comfortable with. Many ostomates find that a side-by-side position works well as it allows the pouch to hang down to the side and not come between them and their partner.

It is advisable to empty or change your pouch before beginning sexual activity. It may even be possible for you to wear a smaller more discreet pouch such as a Pelican Pouches Mini Size or even a Pelican Stoma Cap or Stoma Cap Plus. There is also specialist underwear available to help make you feel more comfortable and to improve your confidence in how you look.It is important to talk to your stoma nurse who is used to discussing the issues you’re experiencing and will be able to offer plenty of help and advice.

Please note that the competition mentioned in this blog is now closed.